LEARN TO LOVE THE SINNER, HATE THE SIN.

FOR ALL KIND SAMARITARIANS

2006-10-23T08:10:00.000-07:00

Like as if the first wasn't enough, and it really isn't enough... We bring to you more useless banter (along with good music, of course) in The History of Local Music Part 2!

In part two, Wayne Thunder manages to dig out more stories and secrets from Leonard Soosay as they continue their adventures into the past.

Bands featured:

Force Vomit

Impiety

Return To Fall

Livonia

Two episodes down. One more to go! Keep your eyes open for part 3!

Send us an email at rampageontheairwaves@gmail.com, visit our MySpace HERE and show Leonard even more love HERE!

Last but not least, Selamat Hari Raya to all our muslim friends!

download show here-

2006-09-10T03:50:00.000-07:00

2006-08-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

yvee has gone livejournal; www.stolentobacco.livejournal.com

im not having the best of times right now
id appreciate if everyone could be a tad bit considerate for one another
this will stay here for namesake or whatever you call that

T.G.I.F

2006-08-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

but before that, RIGHT CLICK, SAVE AS HERE

it was an awesome show with west grand's crappy jokes and all and i love being sucha whore

2006-08-21T04:53:00.000-07:00

i just spent ten hours in school and mom told me to take a break.
here goes

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
NO CHEATING!

How are you feeling today?
summer stars - taking back sunday

Will you get far in life?
paris in flames - thursday

How do your friends see you?
bedroom talk - the starting line (OOUHH SOUNDS KINKY)

Will you get married?
message in a bottle - taking back sunday

What is your best friend's theme song?
here we stand - amber pacific

What is the story of your life?
ariadne's thread - saetia (cool shit)

What was high school like?
DAMNIT - blink 182

How can you get ahead in life?
the futile - say anything

What is the best thing about your friends?
the days go by oh so slow - nightmare of you

What is in store for this weekend?
a year on an airplane - dahpne loves derby (!!)

What song describes you?
sink and die - scary kids scaring kids

To describe your grandparents?
the red dress - motion city soundtrack

How is your life going?
are you happy - drop dead, gorgeous

What song will they play at your funeral?
(i so want to know this)
one more chance - say anything (what the fucking hell)

How does the world see you?
a dinner for two - my name is john
(fucking erotic song)
Will you have a happy life?
bonus mosh part II - taking back sunday

What do your friends really think of you?
your new aesthetic - jimmy eat world

Do people secretly lust after you?
withered - a static lullaby

How can I make myself happy?
now we will - west grand boulevard

What should you do with your life?
she's gonna break soon - less than jake

Will you ever have children?
a song for a broken heart - a static lullaby

2006-08-14T22:43:00.000-07:00

i hate myself
ive tried to quit smoking a gazillion times
ive procrastined many times about studying hard
ive promised myself to look at things with more enuthusiasm
ive tried time and time again to be more amiable
ive tried many many times to have a more optimistic view

all these in a futile attempt
but what has it done?
all these thinking, thoughts,
have done more damage than healing
i feel like
ive been trying for too long
and im ready to give up anytime
im literally on the verge of not living anymore

2006-08-10T13:16:00.000-07:00

its difficult for children and parents to agree on things, we all agree. sadly, the only things we could agree on are country issues. today, national day, was deemed a boring day for me and that singapore was a boring place to live in. even my mom, and her boss agreed so. mom suggested to go out for dinner after being patriotic and watching ndp and the long-awaited fireworks display right from our living room. i said, "where is there to go?" in an obviously 'no' manner. "i don't know, up to you." the decision is always up to me. to a small extent you feel the superiority as a child. but to another extent it's tiring and sickening to be the one making decisions all the time. especially in a small country like singapore, there are fairly few places to visit (with your family). then mom went on to say how her american boss was going away for three out of the four weekends this month, cause he complained there was nothing to do in singapore. (scene: i don't know what you guys do on the weekends, there is nothing to do!) but seriously, that was what he really said. and so the day droned on as the ndp went on, and my mom and i mocking all the on-goings.

im only seventeen, and already bored of things like ndp, (my nation's birthday damnit!) so far so i even thought of skipping the whole celebration thingy and shove myself into piles of books, making sure i have ample preparation for the mad rush of a school day on friday. but obviously i couldn't resist the atmosphere, and the spirit that possesses us when the fireworks light up the sky. no matter how many billion times we have seen it, singaporeans always behave like it's their first time. you get the drift yo.

and in spite of a patriotic spirit(not), i wanted to wear my lovely bossini red singapore tee, but instead i donned my black fender shirt and chapalak berms to celebrate my nation's lovely birthday. at some part of the parade, i also predicted what was coming on, so far so i read my book for like fifteen minutes? yes i did.

the life in singapore is just sickening, the only people who seem to know how to relax are the teens. as shown at the esplanade yesterday when some malays were doing spotaneous things like cheering on and jumping down flights of stairs outside marina square. compare those guys to the adults, absolutely stale and behave like they were on foreign land, seriously.

this is a long entry and totally unexpected even from myself. but i was in the mood. time, please pass quickly and let me enjoy a reckless youth phase. thank you and goodbye.

2006-08-05T18:49:00.000-07:00

Chris: What are you here for today?
Rudi: ROOOCCCKKKKKK
Chris: What's the first thing you do in the morning?
Rudi: RROOOOOOCCCCKKKK

cracks people up no matter what
HAHAHAHAHAHAH

2006-07-31T17:41:00.000-07:00

RAMPAGE ON THE AIRWAVES PODCAST
THE AFTERMATH OF BAYBEATS PART 2 IS UP FOR DOWNLOADS!

Click HERE

I <3 SOUTH PARK

2006-07-28T23:18:00.000-07:00

WHOOOOOOOORING

2006-07-21T23:49:00.000-07:00

MADE THIS EASY, " CLICK " TO LISTEN/DOWNLOAD SHOW

VISUAL AID

2006-07-20T17:36:00.000-07:00

LIYANA, NUNU AND ME ( I LIKE MY FACE KTHX)
MY CLASSIC EXPRESSION (OKAY I DIDNT KNOW THERE WERE 2 FLASHES)
PHOTOSHOP WHORING

ISN'T AARON (W/O SHIRT) JUST FUCKIN HAWT
A PROPER PEEKTURE
US WITH ANGELA'S DISH (CURLY HAIR AUSSIE PEOPLE)
SELF TAKEN WITH D.HESS' DRAWING

long-awaited update, on my life and classroom politcs (WOW)

2006-07-19T16:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time. Blink, and I'm mugging like a mad ass for my O's. Words simply cannot comprehend how much my class has been through and all the wonderful experiences and crude statements we make about each other. What bimbos. Undeniably, I, or we are saddened or astonished about how fast we change or who we change into. We are also amazed at how people can change under influence.

I don't know where to start.

It seems like my class' 8 characters all clash. The result? A harmonious class on the surface, but a mountain full of problems underneath. Who could ever see or even knew we have a lot of gossips going on, this person dissing about another person and so on. This carries on, and looks to be a viscious cycle. Over time, it becomes sickening to us, and some of us are even too afraid to live sometimes. Same goes for me, when I see a dispute in class, I feel like packing my things and leaving this class for good. Why don't they have or even find logic in their reason for doing some things? Seventeen years of fucking age and we are still doing irrational things? Honestly, if anyone out of our class told me how childish or bitchy some of my classmates are, I would sincerely use the only wish in my life, for a hole to open up and let the earth eat me. It's so shameful and embarrassing for others to hear that one of MY friends are finding trouble with a girl over a trival matter. Haven't they have better things to do, than make everyone's life miserable, and worst of all, make people have a bad impression of you? They never seem to think for their future or anyone's future. If you find trouble with people you are not happy with now, are you going to continue doing so in the future? Then you will be busy/concerned with other people's lives rather than living YOUR OWN LIFE. And apparently, these people have skulls made of steel and rigid mentalities that fail to conform to psychological changes. I tried talking sense into one of them before, twice. I had hoped with a slightly mature perspective, that person would probably take a step back and reflect on whatever he or she has done, or whether he or she should change their thinking a little bit. All I ask for is for us to act like rational people, matured thinkings that we should possess at our age.

It's becoming a chore to even live. School is definitely taking a toll on me. of the 7 or 8 hours I'm in school, I stone for at least 4 hours. It's like running on a threadmill, having to keep running so that I wouldn't fall off the threadmill because I can't catch up. Neither do I have much of an option, I'm 3/4 months away from my O's, I can't give up, I can't slow down. But there's a rope holding on to my neck so tightly. If I let go, I'll stop breathing.

PATHETIC

2006-07-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

mocks are two fucking days away and i have yet to touch on anything at all. GOD BLESS, SERIOUSLY. and my cigs ran out again. guess ill have to go cold turkey at least until the mocks are over. (study yvonne! study!!) i seriously swear ill turn off this thing right after im done.

Noob-ish behaviour

2006-07-17T17:28:00.000-07:00

Quoted from FANNYOWEMONEY:

"Like when we were in the arena and this girl in front of us was wearing this black shirt with the words "THURSDAY" printed in bold, white font behind. And I was whispering to Farhanah that someone please go tell her its Saturday today ah, wear salah shirt. Oh my god that is so funny I swear I could go hysterical if someone told that joke to me. "

z obviously such a noob, too much of a noob to be at baybeats. worst still, to comment on others when they/he is not that into indie/emo/punk rock. AND i could easily spot 4 other guys wearing thursday tshirts why not go and mock them and remind them that that day isn't thursday and it's friday/saturday/sunday. commenting on other people's shirts are such a no-no

sorry for being such a bimbo today.

2006-07-16T23:54:00.000-07:00

SUCH A EMO ON THE THIRD DAY
AND FUCKIN SHAGGED, MOSHED THREE CONSECUTIVE DAYS PLS
DEREK HESS LOVE LOVE LOVE
MASASHI
DONT YOU LOVE HIS GUIT
HILARIOUS GROUPIES AT CALERWAY'S SET
and i put up the vid as suggested by liyana *hahahhahahaha*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OB8jUaKpMo
so baybeats was something so worth my time
and to get things off my mind
:no i dont have school tomorrow
what make-believe
and yes naihoon, AARON IS LIKE FUCKING HOT PLS.

Fragmented.

2006-07-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

ive flown too high
now im crashing down,
really hard

TOO MUCH TO LET OUT

2006-07-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

im trying really hard to keep my head above the water

all i see is your silhouette
your quickened pace dampens my soul
your blatant replies leave doubts in my mind
should i even be bothered

i so need a fag these days
but friends always say "don't smoke larrr"
of course they don't know how it feels
neither can i blame them
but the urge is there you know
do you so know
what's it feel like to feel so accomplished yet helpless?
its seriously pathetic

I SO FUCKING WANT PLEASE

I FEEL INFINITE

2006-07-11T16:23:00.000-07:00

SO FUCKING TIRED
the only three words describle now
schoolwork schoolwork schoolwork
what is the world coming to,
why is there even classroom politics
*WTF IS CLASS POLITICS?! OMFG I JUST DISCOVERED IT*
hello mocks are just next week
good luck yvonne
good luck everyone

caracal is stuck in my head

2006-07-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

Congratulations yvonne, you are...

Finicky Feline of finickyfeline.liquidblade.com

You may seem sweet on the outside but behind you hide a sharpened claw. You have the observation skills of a forensic detective and can see right through people easily. You attract attention, both good and bad, but more bad than good. You've seen more assholes in life than a proctologist. The bad ones tries to screw you over but quickly learnt that its a bad move because you enjoy screwing them back accordingly.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

TRY THIS EVERYONE!
ps; this blogger looks kinky

2006-06-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

SIMPLY LOVE.

I wont forget the day that, that I came to
And I started thinking that there's more
Than just perfect prom queens and silver spoons

And all I ever wanted
Was someone to knock me back to
The bliss of ignorance
Cause I feel like running head-first into traffic

And so I'm here to say that thought's in bed with pain

I won't forget the day that, that I found God
In a kitchen knife now and on my arm
So paint the pale white floor with my red life

And tell myself this pain is the pain I love
As I swallow the pills of happiness
And you watch me fall like New York in an earthquake

And so I'm here to say that thought's in bed with pain

I stand outside my pretty house
I light a match to start the fire
I called the cops
To let 'em know
It's 22 Walthery Ave.

I thought I wanted this
I thought I wanted this

I'm here to say
I said I wanted some more attention
I thought I wanted a story ending

(I love the pain, I hate the pain)
I just give in
(I love the pain, I hate the pain)

I think that the truth is, I'm scared
I think that I'm just scared to live
I think that the truth is, I'm scared
I think that the truth is, I'm everything that I hate

-angela baker and my obsession with fire

if you hadn't noticed, i havent been nice to my blooger for the past 35760198 days.
apparently i resort tolivejournal nowadays. if you're hoping for any of my vital signs,
kindly click the livejournal link below.

2006-06-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

NUNU/NURA THIS IS FOR YOU
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

2006-06-25T22:12:00.000-07:00

SOMETHING ALL YOU PRICKS READING OUGHT TO KNOW OF

Rampage On The Airwaves is a podcast that aims to promote the various kinds of local Singaporean music as well as indie music from around the world by exposing the local Singaporean community as well as people overseas to these artists.

It is hoped that one day the local music scene and deserving independent artists will receive the due recognition locally as well as worldwide for their talent and passion in creating music.

Please check us out!

official website - http://rampageontheairwaves.blogspot.com/

myspace - http://myspace.com/rampageontheairwaves

email - rampageontheairwaves@gmail.com

2006-06-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

finally something to update on; my virgin clubbing experience

rebirth gave me a great experience
the bouncers were quite a dick at first so we were stuck outside the club for like, two hours? when all the games and fun were on-going
but we still got in after much shit
and we met like a HELL load of people i swear
we all grinded with guys
as compared, im lucky to not have met super horny guys
(=
but i still can remember this guy cant really remember his name cause i asked his name when the music was blaring, how _____.
anyhoos, i do rememeber his name sounding like ajit or ajin
but he was a great dancer with me i cant deny
and we danced twice but he wanted to go find his friends so,
ahaa then i saw him later but didn't dance or whatever
and seriously, i think some guys just cant dance
some guys on the dancefloor were practically standing/stoning there larrrrr
danced almost non stop nearing to four am
and my feet hurts like fuck
got to bed around five

i just want to say hi

and its monday already
summer's gonna be over
grrr

2006-06-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

MY LITTLE BLACK LIST

lappy (acer)
new guit strings
jacket w/o hood (adidas)
black band jac (hood)
shoes (macbeth or smth)

for when ive reached eighteen;
booze (asahi)
tattoo (ankle)
piercing (nose)

2006-06-10T18:02:00.000-07:00

i didn't know what i wanted for my birthday then, but i guess i can make a demand now.
A NEW LAPPY (preferrably acer with built in camera)

2006-06-03T20:57:00.000-07:00

second of june with gaffar/rampy was ecstastic, literally
nothing to declare's ep launch was awesome shit
summer's over is my next favourite band
and so is set for glory
credits go to the vocals; arniz and nico
almost couldnt get into home but thanks to nico - winks winks
we got in for free! and we got free asahi beer!
a million times than other beers ive drank
so the night was just high
talking to random people, saying hi my name is blah
shaking my head like never before
rubbing shoulders with good-looking people :O
really really good, to the extent i even wrote something bout yesterday

2006-05-31T18:36:00.000-07:00

HEY HO LET'S GO

i will try to blog more often this way
because random thoughts come and go in me
school is taking a toll on me
so tired so fed up
thankfully its summer break
and gigs galore
right one on friday
im so going to go
and i hope MoS on the 18th too

2006-05-30T16:13:00.001-07:00

you know i have been so tired these days,
mentally and physically
chinese drained my mind but now i am liberated
of it thank god
i enjoy moments when im alone
i dont like to look back,
talk with such enthusiasm etc
its just not me not me
i didnt make a wish on my birthday
thats probably why nothing goes right now
i promised myself to not go on fruitless shopping sprees
with mom and to resort to friends' company
but look what happened now
yvonne yvonne you are just one bloody loner
a resolution; boyfriend
im zonked, just let everything go and buy a pack of cigs

the used sounds so smoothing now

2006-05-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

you know sometimes it gets too hard to breathe
your mind goes into a blur cause things move too fast
then the soul is mentally defeated and succumbed to a loss
feel all so helpless and useless thus suicidal and nonchalant
all drained out and cant do nothing much

i just need a little more oxygen to breathe
thats all i ask for

2006-05-21T15:10:00.000-07:00

Saw Loser guy! x))
I've been so down these days I don't know what caused it. Yesterday I think I had too many thoughts circling my head, most of which are rhetorical. Adding on, I couldn't even find one full minute of concentration span to complete assignments. It was frustrating. Then somehow yesterday, I realised that what I needed was someone to talk to. Someone whom could truly feel what I'm feeling. Thankfully, the afternoon passed and I was out.

All the fucking cinemas in Singapore are filled with Da Vinci movie-catchers. Met jas then we went over to cine. All the shows were fucking sold out all the way to 12.30 when we were there. Quite disapppointing to us, then we met JZ while at basement. Went for dinner at where? Uh, I can't remember really. I only rememeber going to Food Republic which was all a dumb experience. The only thing decent is the Hokkien Mee which three people shared a four dollar portion. The drinks pushcart auntie took forever to go a round. So after that we went over to Lido to check whether timins are available for Da Vinci. And I fucking saw that guy from Saw Loser which was fucking cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x) I told Jz he was cute and he went, "SPG". Nooooo, I'm not! So we finally decided on watching the 12.30am show after considering whether we have enough for a cab fare. Rotted outside opposite Shaw watching the big screen for like uh, an hour? Then we went in and rotted again. Seriously, there were dozens of good-looking people yesterday la. aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. It was a lovely Saturday. (But it could have been better)

After the movie I felt so shortchanged. After recalling, I realised they missed out a lot of parts and one in particular I wonder why they missed it out. I have vivid memories of Robert and Sophie going into churches armed with a gun, wary of the Sauniere's killer. How come it wasn't in?! And they missed out the part where Sophie's grandmother told her what really happened to her family and the ending part where she and Robert ended up together. Anyways I was uber tired and couldn't be bothered more. But I still think the Saw Loser guy is fucking cute. okay, period.

you still stand in that special place in my heart.

2006-05-20T16:54:00.000-07:00

i'm emo i don't know why. i feel all feverish and way too many thoughts in my head. i tried to get myself drunk last night but i reminded myself it's only five percent alcoholic, how drunk could i get?! thus i failed, i failed myself. i take long times to make a decision something to do with you. a long time to decide to start talking to you and all. now i just made a decision after over a week to smile at you when you smile at me. at the same time, i promise to give myself answers to questions that were in my mind since forever.

finally going to catch da vinci code and make myself a tad bit better.

2006-05-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

a great day has just been spoilt, convo speaks for it all.

:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: just sent you a Nudge!

:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
MAY DAY MAY DAY
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
SOS
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
CQD
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
MAY DAY MAY DAY CAN YOUHEAR ME
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
YEAAAAAAAAAAA?
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
lol
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
SAW LOSER TONIGHT HARD ROCK CAFE
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
IVE BEEN CALLED ON LAST MINUTE DUTY LIKE ONLY HALF AN HOUR AGO
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
WANNA GO
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
FUCK YOU NO WAY
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
PLS
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
duty?
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
what time?
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
i need to be there by 7 thats when doors open
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
saw loser and crowned king
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
until?
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
and an opening act
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
what you gonna do there?
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
sell merch
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
and i can join you? what time is it until?
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
yes
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
i dont know
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
it starts at 8.30pm
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
should end before midnight?
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
ok
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
er
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
wait call my mom
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
quick i need to rush
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
me too
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
i just got home!
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
me too
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
i got home and straight away fone rang
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
what are you supposed to be dressed in anywya?
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
i dont know she didnt say
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
so i guess anything
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
but to be safe black
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
all black?
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
i dont know lol
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
are we gonna get paid or something?
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
lol
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
i dont know i dont think so
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
but free gig and drinks
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
im just helping out la
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
FUCK LAR MY MOM'S LIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
FUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"yvonne." I'm lying just to keep you here. says:
she's always like that, always
:: Lil'rampage is worn out :: says:
z what a anti-climax

conclusion; i have great friends who don't forget me, but i have a spoiler mom who ruins the climaxes in my life.

2006-05-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

ive enough of this shit.

you say i have a bad attitude? i told you that you bought one bracelet and one necklace from bangkok and you fucking insisted that you bought two necklaces. so tell me from a level-headed view, are we going to get a conclusion if you insist your view and i insist on mine? for goddamn sake you are my mother, and yet you are making such blatant statements? how do you expect me to appease you, go on my knees or plainly admit that you bought two necklaces and i don't know where the fuck they are? for god's sake, i'm your fucking daughter, not your bloody dog. wake up la for hell's sake.

you are one fucking hypocrite yourself. i'm being labelled as quarelsome when i make a remark at my dad's actions. YOU FUCKING HELL MAKE SIMILAR STATEMENTS ALSO OKAY?! and i just ignore your actions. why the fuck must you pick on my statements, just because i show a black face? why must you point out my actions particularly on a day when i'm in a bad mood. you say i give bad attitude as if the whole world owes me a living. for fuck's sake, you used to ignore me when i was younger when i talked to you. do you even fucking take me as human, do you not think id remember all the things you did to me when i was "young, naive?" WELL I FUCKING DID, BITCH.

2006-05-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

jason mraz is therapeutic, really.

give a pat on your shoulders yvonne, you've stayed home for the past two weekends.

if you keep asking me i'll melt away in the summer air.

2006-05-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

i'm not going to contain my boredom, no. i will try my best to go out somewhere tonight. otherwise, i swear off my life i will go mad. an alternative way is to get some vcds/dvds to entertain the lone soul. the weather is making me moody. holiday was bad, i'd b honest, i'd rather have gone to school and do productive things rather than bumming around and feel usless. i need to go shopping, i need to feel the fresh wind, i need to let my thoughts run.
vesak day was uber boring. television was my therapy; i laughed at funny nothings. what the hell is wrong with me??

i just got off the phone with my mom who's in her office
my mom: do you want to come out and meet me?
me: do you have money?
my mom: why?
me: i need to go shopping.
my mom: my money is not meant to be spent this way.
me: ok bye.

i think, i will take a bath after i finish blogging and satisfy myself with whatever i ~~need~~want to do on the computer, get my eyes off the screen and onto my books. do something with my shithead. bye, whatever.

/edited
life's a little better when i remember i own a guitar and started jamming on it. and it always puts a smile on my face when i think of you.

2006-05-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

this world is like that isn't is. it's just fucked up. cause no one's perfect. i know i have a fucked up attitude but so do others, and i fucking tolerate it cause i dont have much of a fucking choice. im so fucking tired of tolerance and seeing so many things happening. i need a punching bag and a dozen beers.

i have a lot of regrets. i never should have interferred, i never should have been there, done that. i'm not a good friend, never was.

2006-05-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

i dont understand my life, i dont understand my class.

why are all these going on?
why are people so sensitive?
why are people such busybodies?
why do people show different attitudes?
what the FUCK are they thinking?
WHAT FUCKING GRUDGES DO WE BEAR AGAINST EACH OTHER?

in the first place, why are we bearing grudges? this sentence sounds old-fashioned and like wind to our ears: school is for studying. period. why do we find fault in others in the first place? why must we complicate matters and pull other innocent bystanders into a dispute? i sit in a corner of the classroom, i witness a lot of things happening, but sad to say i don't see the reason for an action most of the time. what is going on with my class? why can't they have the mentality of a normal teenager? why must everything be solved through quarrels and violence? sometimes when i see all these happening especially when i was vice-chairman, i wanted to break down and cry so much. it wasn't because i couldn't take all the pressure and stuff, but i could not understand why this and that was happening. i felt useless. the final straw came when i could not even stand up for you guys when we had to come back for lessons right before the n's. but even now, being the oldest in the school, i still can't see you guys thinking for yourselves, for your own future. it sounds crude, but there were many times i felt like giving a slap to everyone, hoping you would realise that this is your own fucking life, you fucking own it. why couldn't we behave like civilised and educated people. because, we are fucking educated people. is violence an answer? we can't we sit down and have good, calm talks with each other? is it really so difficult to compromise and be a little more understanding towards each other? PEOPLE, LET'S FUCKING GET OVER AND DONE WITH IT.

you'd see a lot of question marks but that's how fucking confused i am these days.

2006-05-08T16:34:00.000-07:00

i think too much these days
i need to put my mind to study
rather than think how we would work out
if we actually started in the first place

i want to walk in your shoes
i want to see through your eyes
i want to know how you look at me

all the bullshits lovelorn people used to say i never understood. such as, seeing through someone else's eyes. now i finally fucking understand. !#$%^&^%%

2006-05-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

SOMEONE JUST SLAP ME WITH A PLACARD WITH COWARD WRITTEN ON IT

2006-05-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

im all bored on a friday, so i came with uh, a wishlist of some sort which doesnt have a aimed date or whatever you call that.
1 try to fucking understand humanities, cause it really sucks
2 understand math at the back of my hand
3 take my mt O's only once
4 bring more laughter and smiles into my life
5 get contacts
6 earn lots of bling bling
7 get a fucking LP black beauty
8 get into/form a band
9 convince my mom to move to a new place so i dont have to live in a pink room
10 burn my uniform finally

so as you can see, part of them are aimed for like the current phase of my life, like the big O's and stuff. the next half are just things i want/have to do after the O's. my friday seems wrong, i couldn't get my afternoon nap, i don't feel refreshed. anywaysss, going to watch the rally at s'goon stadium with gaff later and prata for dinner. i forgot to add, i should really hit the gym one day. i have not been exercising other than that. want to know why?

i decided to stop playing bball. i wouldn't say quit cause i'll be condemnming myself. i can't find anything to get me to run and stuff. maybe it was a mistake all along, cause that's what i'm feeling about right now. nevertheless, i won't forget what bball has done for me. i've met dozens and dozens of people, most of them let me know that gays are just people like us. honestly, i cannot understand why some people are so surprised when they hear something to do with gay/homos. but that's okay, the worse scenarios are they cannot accept gays and ostracize them for whatever shit they do. these people let me learn what is endurance, teamwork and consideration. i honestly think i wouldn't be who i am if i had not invovled myself in bball and stuff. thanks for the love.

2006-04-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

this is one fucking classic la.
another fucking funny one.
chio bu! pretty girl! blows whistles.

ok it's www.myheritage.com go have fun bored fuckers. bye.

2006-04-30T00:22:00.000-07:00

erik,the high guitarist.
jude and erik, high too.
dharma, daphne, jude.
west grand boulevard you all.

my saturday at youth park. was with gaff, izyan, nura and candie at the gig plus a girl named frida or freda or something. was great except for the weather. mocking people as usual, but the surreal bassist was somewhat cool. his spectacles i meant. LOL.

bye im getting lazy already.

2006-04-29T23:42:00.000-07:00

i've haven't been a good girl lately. i've been feeling lost, confused. my concentration span just isn't there this week. as a result, i forcefully got myself to make sure of whatever those fuckers are teaching. i'm just too dumb to ever study anything on my own. and teachers have taken full advantage of labour day and seemed to have plotted to give us THIS much homework. well, fuck you, cause you guys will have equal workload to mark. dumbasses.

i'm going out in about two hours, i have a lot of questions in me. should i give up on sports? and just lead the less hectic and stressful life. oh yes, sports makes me stress, no one could ever see that right. hell to everything, i just want to feel stress-free outside school. homework is fucking my life up, seriously. and i promised myself to study at least six hours on monday. i hope my promise isn't in futile.

to hell with you and all your friends.

ps: thanks gaffar for being my listening ear yesterday. i love the lonely stadium. go there sometime again okay.

2006-04-29T23:22:00.000-07:00

quiz frenzy!

The Clothes You Wear

What others see from your style
You tend to be a gentle and pleasant person. You love nature and at least some of the arts, and derive great satisfaction from being helpful. You are stubborn and are not interested in wealth and power.
What your nightclothes reveal
You are friendly and always in good mood. You are candid and helpful, and can be sexy at times too.
What others see from your ties
You are a happy and contented person. You are protective of your friends, honest and tidy. You are hardworking and like to be the person in charge.
What others see from your belts
You are a frank, assertive and sometimes flamboyant person. You are friendly and want to be accepted by everybody. You like to have fun, to be free, and to live a comfortable lifestyle.
What others see from your shoes
You are a person who loves simplicity and is sincere and open. You are pleasant to be with, easygoing and always in a good mood. You neither want to control nor be under someone else's control. You don't care much about how you look, and know that it's what's inside someone's heart that's important.
What others see from your earrings
You tend to enjoy living a simple life. You are friendly, smart and enjoy partying with friends.
The last analysis
You are probably a romantic and passionate person. You are sensitive and lonely when you aren't in love. You can be somewhat self-centered, but you are honest and sincere to others. You like to make a good impression of yourself and worry about what others think of you.

and for the bored fuckers out there, http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test102.aspx

2006-04-29T22:57:00.000-07:00

oh well.

Place a X by all the things you've done and send it to all of your friends.A bit of fun. Takes a while though.
(x)smoked a cigarette
( )crashed a friend's car
( )stolen a car
(x)been in love
(x)been dumped
( )shoplifted
(x)been fired
( )been in a fist fight
( )snuck out of your parent's house
(x)had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( )been arrested
( )gone on a blind date
(x)lied to a friend
( )skipped school
( )seen someone die
( )had a crush on one of your internet friends
( )been to Canada
( )been to Mexico
(x)been on a plane
( )purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x)eaten sushi
( )been skiing
(x)been at a concert
( )taken painkillers
(x)love someone or miss someone right now
(x)laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( )made a snow angel
( )had a tea party
(x)flown a kite
(x)built a sand castle
(x)gone puddle jumping
(x)played dress up
( )jumped into a pile of leaves
( )gone sledding
(x)cheated while playing a game
(x)been lonely
(x)fallen asleep at work/school
( )used a fake ID
( )watched the sun set
( )felt an earthquake
( )slept beneath the stars
(x)been tickled
( )been robbed
(x)been misunderstood
( )petted a reindeer/goat/kangaroo
( )won a contest
(x)run a red light/stop sign
( )been suspended from school
( )been in a car crash
( )had braces
(x)felt like an outcast/third person
( )eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( )had deja vu
( )danced in the moonlight
( )liked the way you looked
(x)witnessed a crime
(x)questioned your heart
( )been obsessed with post-it notes
()suqished barefoot through the mud
(x)been lost
(x)been on the opposite side of the country
(x)swam in the ocean
(x)felt like dying
(x)cried yourself to sleep
( )played cops and robbers
( )recently colooured with crayons
( )sung karaoke
(x)paid for a meal with only coins
(x)done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( )made prank phone calls
( )laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( )caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x)danced in the rain
( )written a letter to Santa Claus
( )been kissed under the mistletoe
( )watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x)blown bubbles
( )made a bonfire on the beach
(x)crashed a party
(x)gone rollerskating
( )had a wish come true
( )jumped off a bridge
( )ate dog/cat food
( )told a complete stranger you loved them
( )kissed a mirror
(x)sang in the shower
( )had a dream that you married someone
( )glued your hand to something
( )kissed a fish
( )sat on a roof top
(x)screamed at the top of your lungs
( )done a one-handed cartwheel
(x)talked on the phone for more than 5 hours
(x)stayed up all night
( )picked and ate an apple right off the tree
( )climbed a tree
( )had a tree house
( )scared to watch a scary movie alone
(x)believe in ghosts
( )have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(x)worn a really ugly outfit to school
( )gone streaking
( )gone doorbell ditching
( )played gay chicken
(x)pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on
( )told you're hot by a complete stranger
( )broken a bone
(x)been easily amused
( )caught a fish then ate it
( )caught a butterfly
(x)laughed so hard you cried
( )cried so hard you laughed
( )cheated on a test
(x)forgotten someone's name
(x)french braided someone's hair
( )gone skinny dipping in a pool/hot tub
( )been threatened to be kicked out of your house or been kicked out of your house
(x) loved someone so much you would gladly die for them

2006-04-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

ive just had five hours plus of sleep, im feeling hyper and bored. i just drank a cup of coffee and found a quiz.

GOTH, PUNK, EMO, METAL HEAD, SCREAMO, POSER, WHICH 1 ARE YOU???

EMO, go cry somewhere, your taking up space
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they'd rather sit in the dark and cry. Bet you heard that one before... Darkness is the only light suicide the way, if you don't like life, tuff, deal with it and try to make the best of it, if not then kill yourself already and stop complaining

2006-04-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

Non-alcoholic party at MoS on 20th June!
Presale: $18
Door sales could be up to $20 or $21, so if those who want to have enough cash for cab fare, better get presales assholes.
Minimum age of 16
For tickets find Wanwin for those lucky ones who know her.
If you don't, find her through me.

2006-04-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

i suddenly feel sarcastic and don't want to be slipshod in my words for once.

so much for english, i thought it was going to be some shitass paper cause the express people said like, "it's set by mrs singh, can't expect easy stuff." OHH, i went. i thought i was doomed for it, seriously. i was at the stage of having a nervous breakdown when i read through the first passage. ironically, i finished the paper in like one hour and had so much time left, i thought something went terribly wrong. i frantically searched for careless mistakes and stuff. spotting only minor speeling mistakes, i handed in that dumb paper that got me paranoid. i fucking hell passed la, "whyyyy yvonne, making yourself worry far too much baby." so the results was the biggest consolation ever.

my life is just school and nothing else, with the exception of my 'back-to-bball-training' training tomorrow. cheer for me you all! just when i needed to shed some lumps of fats of my waist, came the sms "hey guys! training on friday at 7pm. please come! youth cup coming soon." i smiled to my phone somehow at 6.45am. zz.

time is seriously running out. i don't understand biology thoroughly, and only managed to really understand what the fuck is homozygous and heterozygous. i'll try to understand albinism after my nine oclock serial. hopefully. d&t is just pure amazement to me, i managed to have the slightest motivation and spirit to even take out the big a3 paper and draw some shit on it.

i'm off for my darling 9pm serial, the only source of entertainment for this fucked mundane life of mine. bye for now.

i wished we could even start,
and never end.

2006-04-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

i feel like some lovesick fool when i go town.
and bus rides just don't make me feel good.
zz.

2006-04-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

the car pulled up into a parking lot as i first saw the white tent and fellow friends who came to pay their last respects. i came out of the car as the warm air fogged my spectacles. i didn't feel anything solemn, yet.

we made our way to the wake with a sad feeling hung over. my mom seemed to have quickened her pace, wanting to see her late friend of many years. as many unfamiliar faces turned to see my family and i, we approached the brother of the late but my mom went over to the casket. i waited for my dad as he mingled with other friends present and the deceased brother putting his shoulder over my dad. i turned to look for my mother and saw her bent over the coffin, peering inside. i looked for a tinge of sobbing and when i did, i knew she was weeping and made my way to offer my consolation. i cupped my hands onto her shoulder, hoping she wouldn't break down. but instead, she broke out for the first time in a few days upon receiving the news that her friend of many years passed on. the deceased's brother quickly walked over and told my mom, " it's all over for her now." only at that time it seemed like the reality of a friend's passing on materialized in front of my mother. soon, my dad was peering into the coffin too, saying prayers. frankly, i didn't want to look into the coffin too. i tried to picture her as she was when we went out together to eat or whatsoever, as i had been trying since my mom told me she passed on after finishing her holiday. i just couldn't. finally i braved myself and went to see her.

she was so pale, yet she looked peaceful with embalment. 'rest in peace' i said mentally. it didn't take too long to realize a person around me was gone. she had no soul. i would not be seeing her anymore. we got out of the tent and sat down with a few mutual friends. i was introduced to some friends of my mum and the deceased. unknowingly, we sat for almost an hour. i was not involved in any discussion though, as groups of conversations formed around me. i sat there quietly, trying to bring myself into reality, and accepting it.

finally, we gave our condolences to her brother and left the wake.

it's funny how life works. sometimes we curse others if they did something wrong and deserved to die. but what would really happened if people really died? some time back i was in a depressed period and started thinking about death. what if i died? i wouldn't know what would be happening in this world. time would just stop. everything would stop. at a tender age of fifteen i was already afraid of death. i didn't want to face it whatsoever. but then again, i thought to myself, if i were to die, i want to die peacefully. i don't want to experience pain in my last few minutes on earth. aunt mee mee passed on at the age of forty-eight. i considered that young, since she was my mom's age. i couldn't picture myself having to hear the news that i would have only a few months to live.

life is fragile, all the things we do have consequences. if we did some things that result in regrets, do we have enough time to redeem our wrong-doings in a such a short time?

2006-04-15T14:03:00.000-07:00

Name 20 people you can think of right now at the top of your head. Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 ppl. Ok tag at least 5 ppl.. Ready? Start!

1.gaffar
2.sianghoon
3.steph
4.jasmine
5.jingzhi
6.wenna
7.cherlene
8.nura
9.irra
10.nisa
11.hakim
12.zhengyan
13.jo
14.aran (fat ass always makes me laugh)
15.yihong
16.andrea
17.jackson
18.nelson
19.joyce
20.rachel

Ok, now for the questions:

1.How did you meet 14?
from braddell heights. he was the friendly guy whom everyone enjoys poking fun at. that's including me.

2.What would you do if you had never met 1?
i would never be able to make fun of him and call him rampy, i wouldnt be mocking at wannabes. not forgetting the music i never really heard of.

3.What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
i'm not against lesbians.

4.Did u ever like 19?
as a friend, of course. not a friend? not, never.

5.Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
errrr, wenna and jackson? i think they would be bickering and critcizing each other all day long.

6.Describe 3.
steph's temperamental. i literally meant temper and mental. she can be short tempered at times but she never fails to crack us up with her stupid act at times. we became closer friends last year so that's i think it was the exams that drove her mad. =x

7.Do you think 8 is attractive?
her personality is good, her looks aren't bad either. or at least she's more attractive and feminine than me.

8.Tell me something about 7.
we were good friends since secondary one. our thinkings are more or less the same so i find it very comfortable around her. though at times she's confused and stuff, she still gets things straightened out afterall. and her family's great, especially the super cute babies. absolutely adorable.

9.Do you know any of 12's family?
not personally, i know he has a brother though.

10.What's 8's favourite?
uh, im not really close to her. but id guess music? gigs and blah blah blah.

11.What would you do if 18 just confessed he/she likes you?
nelson?! "uh, okay." shrugs and wonder if he really knows what he's saying.

12.What language does 15 speak?
chinese, english, a bit of malay, hokkien.

13.Who is 9 going out with?
nope, no idea.

14.How old is 16 now?
16++

15.When's the last time u talked to 13?
yesterday afternoon when he called me on my cell.

16.What is 2's favourite band/singer?
thrice i'd guess. i only know roughly the music she listens to, but unsure of her favourite.

17.Would you ever date 4?
in my next life if i was born a guy or lesbian. lol.

18.Would you ever date 7?
why not? nah, we don't date, we go on outings! (sounds like excursion)

19.Is 15 single?
most probably not, i saw his cell's profile once. but he's always attachednot, attached, attached not and stuff.

20.What is 10's last name?
Bte Ahad.

21.Would u ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
yea, if i ever went after him on my own. lol.

22.What school does 3 go to?
she's my classmate!

23.Where does 6 live?
serangoon central, the white and blue/green blocks.

24.What's your favourite thing about 5?
he's a horny ass. and he makes fun of anything, dirty style.

25.Have u seen number 1 naked?
no way, lol.

Now to tag 5 people:
steph
wenna
hakim
jasmine
zhengyan if he gives me his pass
or nisa.

2006-04-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

THE PERFECT CONFESSION LETTER

i'm sick of recurring thoughts of you running through my head
can i stop all this now
with you in my hand

you were the one who stood out
you were the one who was quiet
yet left an impact on me
when we said goodbyes at the subway

you never realised how i looked at you
you never knew how i thought of you
i just wanted to tell you
i missed you

loving you made me a coward
questions made me confused
im falling for you
each and every day

if you could show me another guy like you
i'd probably hate him
cause he's so you
and you're not him

you never realised how i looked at you
you never knew how i thought of you
i just wanted to tell you
i missed you

i thought of the title randomly when i came out of the bathroom. but feel free to tell me what you think. it was all original. =D

2006-04-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

the run today was a killer, i forsee muscle aches and problems everything to do with my leg. it's finally thursday tomorrow and i'm still contemplating whether to give myself a break tomorrow. so fucking sick and tired of school. at the same time i'm afraid staying at home will bore me. raaa. i need to go out, need to go town, catch up with friends and everything.

where's my fucking life?!

2006-04-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

a quickie before my body degenerates in front of the pc.

i'm just feeling like shit right now, my monday gone wrong. i was perked up in the morning, but it all went downhill after recess. i was fucking tired during bio and in addition air con to get me sleepy. andrea can vouch for me. i was feeling pms-y during d&t, william said i was stressed. =\

i feel like i got a lot of things on my hands but i also think i'm just making myself worry too much sometimes. my body feels so weak but it's probably just a lack of vitamins and the elements acting on me. chinese now, !!

2006-04-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

rampage and orange.

a day out with gaffar, eventful.

played pool, met a hell lot of people come to think of it. finally bought my guitar stand alongside pretty pretty guitars. ate at roadside which was truly roadside, (picture). walked around aimlessly, ended up at strait records, a very nice place to be. and ta-daa we were on our way home. details a many but i'm to lazy to list them all.

2006-04-07T23:12:00.000-07:00

at times i find myself in fortunate and unfortunate situations.

friends around me sometimes talk to me about their problems or how they feel. most of it is on relationships and infatuations and sometimes these people get frustrated and the conditions of the current relationships are implicated by those around them who have nothing better to do, or they just bear a grudge against someone else. in these situations i think i'm fortunate, because i don't really tell anyone of who i'm eyeing on or something. at least i don't tell anyone who talks to -toot- alot. oh, you get what i mean.

yet also, at times, when people tell me how their relationships are so smooth-flowing, i cannot deny there's this little amount of jealousy in me. then i imagined, how it would be like having someone who really really cares for you and truly gives his heart to you. it's just so sweet even thinking of it. but my life right now, is far from it. the distance is just universal.

i've been slightly better these few days, at least i don't feel as angry inside. thanks to all those around me who bring laughter into my life, although at times i'm practically non-existent around you guys. just thought i'd let readers know what's up with me.

i'm just so tired,
i want to shout it out to you all.
get a fucking life!

2006-04-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

this is going to be a random entry.

when i was younger and knew nothing about other things besides playing my lego and stuff,
i always wondered why my mum said guitar players have ugly fingers.
about a decade later when i got heavily influenced by music,
i laid my hands on a guitar.
i learned enthusiatically.
about half a year later, i finally understood why guitar players don't have very admirable fingers.
a layer of skins forms, and all the dead skin cells tear down when you press them on the fretboard.

i told you this was random.

2006-03-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

my second.

ignorant, refusal to believe
that is what you are
and that is what i fucking hate
to hear
and to see

shut your trap
don't open my door
don't find me thrashing everything onto the floor

just stop fucking talking to me
and induce me with suicidal thoughts with uninspirational talks
it just backfires
i dont want to land in a coffin anytime soon

let me draw on the wallpapers
so that i can let you know me
isn't that what you wanted all the while
so i'll give it to you that way

just stop fucking talking to me
and induce me with suicidal thoughts with uninspirational talks
it just backfires
i dont want to land in a coffin anytime soon

when shit happens, this is my resort.
this is a .44 caliber love letter straight from my heart

2006-03-27T22:05:00.000-08:00

parent's never bothered to see all the positive things you do
they always looked for those fucking flaws.

papercuts and penknives
tissue paper still my best friend.

2006-03-27T01:09:00.000-08:00

bored.
can't sleep.
i'm here.

weather's fucked. so am i. and my life. everything just moved in a split second, i felt so lost and confused. sometimes my parents quarrelled, mom gets fucked up and all, i start thinking what if they split up, i'd have to make a decision who to stay with. then i thought, it didn't really matter, i didn't mean much to them afterall. my mood swings and my usual habits and attitude get them fucked anyway, so why should i bother about who i'm staying with. it's irritating having a maid in the house. yea you get your room tidied up and all, but that's the fucking problem. i can't find my stuff. like yesterday my red pick went MIA and i only saw it today. my brother came home like half an hour ago and he banged his stuff around cause i think his stuff weren't where it was supposed to be. yea i know the feeling. that's why i ask my mom if they can don't fucking touch my stuff. and she's like NO. i go like fuckerass. she'd better not touch my fucking guitar, or she'll fucking get it. i still dont get it why parents like to have so much control even over the state of our rooms, it just gives themselves more stuff to say and do. fucking dumb isn't it.

oh well, no school tomorrow. but the coursework is just fucking me up. i seem to have a dysfunctional brain and all. i should have just failed my d&t N's so i don't have to fucking deal with it this year. ahhhhhh fuck man, this all shouldn't have started at all. back to fucking work. byeee suckers.

2006-03-26T15:49:00.000-08:00

summer's over from last night's gig. not bad at all. they are all cute. ha.

was my first time at a gig and it was quite a good experience after watching summer's over. er, reached there kind of early and saw unknown people, and more unknown people. it was a foreign land truly. but nonetheless still enjoyable. hung around and ate after watching the eisen guards. had cheese prata, yum. then headed back. i swear the music is fucking good except for that avril lavigne and ashlee simpson girl band. we heard them from outside and decided we need not even see the suckers. left at about eleven plus and got a cab home. walking wasn't much of an option since i felt like sitting down the whole day. had great and friendly company too. life isn't that bad anymore.

2006-03-23T19:48:00.000-08:00

i'm doing fine without you today.

2006-03-18T23:47:00.000-08:00

second last day of the holidays and it's back to hell. oh well, on a lighter note, i got at least half of the load done. and i just had constipation about two hours ago. and i tell you, constipation is the worst thing anyone could ever go through in their lives except for women having to give birth, seriously. went to get a trim which was actually nothing for five bucks. then walked around finding my shorts. found it, but some biatch complained so i refused to use her money to buy. fuck that. anyways, came home like two fucking hours later and my moodswings came, so did the constipation.

so saddened, i feel so stuck in my life. i can't have the truly likeable group of friends, as in those who like guitars just as much as i do. even if i have friends like this, they are all guys. no girls! ahhh. i need to find this group of friends soon, and real soon. my tragus doesn't hurt anymore, really. it's fine and i got ear sticks at two fifty just so fucking because of school. raaaaa. die schoolife! okay, going to sleep now. laters!

2006-03-16T23:44:00.000-08:00

even if i tell you i'm broken inside cause i can't be with you, you would never know that person i'm hung over is you. i'm sounding like a pathetic coward i know, but i can't help it. i almost succeeded in believing you almost never existed. but today was the day you barged back into me. how sickening it is right. i was told, guys fear rejection as much as girls, but i just cannot bear to tell you how i feel and get a blatant response in the end.

i know you well enough to know you never loved me.

back to now, i'm stuck at homework and my life is screwed. the chalet, irregular sleeping times and you. =/

2006-03-12T22:35:00.000-08:00

tragus. right after it was pierced. (:

holiday means more blogging. yay.
saturday, shit what did i do? i think, i went out to town got my piercing. saw quite a few people but still felt kind of weird. anyways, headed to suntec thereafter and went to check out the it fair cause jas wanted to get a lappie. then took another bus down to swee lee. i fcuking saw the les paul black beauty, going at 1090 now. it's my dream guitar and i want to get it if, i get into a band or i earn enough after my O's. yay.

sunday: went out for lunch, got the notes on media then went photocopy it. went home and did serious note-making. went out soon to sbc. walked the bloody tense match with shiyun and zihui. saw a hell load of people i haven't seen in eons, had a good time catching up too. then went back to serangoon and watched the tournament there. saw tattoo and a few people, went to shoot a few hoops too. oh well, sundayyy. but, holidays! and chinese oral tomorrow. ):

i just love my tragus, raaa. muahha.

2006-03-10T22:24:00.000-08:00

nisa sent me this picture, nice.

and just reminded me of my very contradicting mother. we were having mother-daughter bonding session the day before, watcing the channel u show at ten. the came the advert time. came along the show which showed young people doing things they like etc. showed this tattoo artist blah blah blah. our conversation somehow came to the discussion of people baring tattoos and all. her bottomline was that not all people who have tattoos are bad.

then i thought about the time she oppressed my decision of getting my labret piercing after my O's. she said where am i going to get a job with a piercing, and i was fed up with her, cause that kind of thinking is just so backdated.

just so tired today and the fucking holidays are here, but the homework pile is still there. raaaaaaaa. bye,

2006-03-08T16:11:00.000-08:00

holidays in a week, spasm is just building up in me
and i have so much more to say.

one blink and we're seventeen. but at this age, i think there is a certain level of maturity we ought to reach. apparently i still cannot understand why some people cannot do that, or whatever. at seventeen, i would think we need to have logical thinking, consideration and most important of all some sensitivity and not being over-sensitive. i wouldn't say ive reached that, but i am going to. things around me are sometime intolerable. how i cannot fit into people makes me feel like a freak, like i come from another planet or something. i observe how people react to certain situations, yet i cannot understand why they need to have such a big reaction to some things. and these kind of situations get me irritated, BUT i just leave people as they are. i whatsoever do not have any sort of authority to tell them to be like this or that. it's been months and months since i start realising happening all around me. thank god it's already march so i know time will fly, and soon i can be alone. when irritation gets a hold of me, i just keep mum. cause i know, if i said anything at all, i'm actually giving chances for people to rebut my actions and words i have said.

but these days, i must say, i've been minding my own business, be who i am. if people don't understand me, so be it. it's not like i understand or like them very much either. for goodness sake, i'm not a fucking sucker.

okay ive said what i want to, now it's back to coursework. ahhh, fuck it.

2006-03-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

ooh sundayyyyyyyy,

after three weekends at home, i finally went out yesterday with the 2 js.. meet at four and cabbed to ps. wanted to go check out hakim but somehow he wasnt there. shrugs. walked to paradiz to play twelve bucks worth of pool. and jz pathetically only won me by one game. ha. walked back to heeren without jz this time. mama's boy went home.. walked around and around. jasmine kept eating like nobody's business, was practically food-binging the whole time we were out. then walked over to cine.

ohhh, cute ice cream boy, i like. then saw olga and melvin on group date.. then they mocked jasmine and called her da sao. and i have no idea why.

town seemed so dead yesterday somehow. but there were a lot of eye candies so it wasnt that bad after all. and i witnessed alot of weird things in town, people fighting, people walking in an eccentric way. then we sat outside wisma and poeple watched for almost half an hour. the ice cream from the ice cream boy was good, but too sweet. oh wells.

we finally took the 105 home and i bummed into that couple again! the disgusting guy seems to recognise me and i cannot believe my luck man. and the girl became prettier. but too bad she's still as blind as a bat so as to stay with that guy. terrible man. yesterday seemed somewhat eventful, or probably due to the cooping myself at home mentality i feel so revived to see people again. okay, weird.

i finished my poa, do up my ss lecture notes and managed to study three chinese words since last night. it's monday tomorrow means dumb d&t lessons, and i have to catch up with my folio. it's so fucked man i just dont know how to carry on and stuff. i seem all okay but im crushed up inside.. because of school and you.

damn.

2006-03-03T15:46:00.000-08:00

hello friday.

dead from school, each day i come home so dreadful and could hardly find any more energy to complete homework. anywayyyys, weekend's here to catch up on deprived rest. but still, not spared from preparing for upcoming test. i have, biology, chinese test next week. journal and chinese newspaper cutting to complete. raaa.

swee lee's having sale during the march holidays, and might consider getting my guitar then. god, i have to spend money again on my guitar, and my tragus.

i thought i could fall asleep just on, but i still feel so pumped up for.. nothing. out to suntec later for dinner. a smoke for now, bye.

this is fucked.

2006-02-28T21:43:00.000-08:00

i promised to keep this blog alive with more details of my life, yes here i am.

school's fucked, like seriously. everything's becoming surreal. i thought leaving myself out to not be a monitress could let my year pass by quite happily, but i am so wrong. being a sports leader left me feeling just like last year. why am i not spared from all these, why can't i enjoy my secondary school phase like other people. fuck all this.

the heats are tomorrow, i dont think she can run. neither do i think i can find another sporting classmate cause they are all like, i can't run! for goodness sake just do it for fun la. it's our last year together and you can forgo a good chance to leave a pleasant memory? i just can't put myself into your shoes. and my back's injured, i also cannot guarantee i can even walk properly tomorrow, moreover run. but on the account that this is our fifth and last year, ill just go ahead with it.

i think i'm handling my studies okay now, but seeing my humanities results are just so depressing, almost dehumanizing to me.. same goes for my chemistry practical. first test i got an egg, second test i only did four marks better. yet in an open book theory test i can score like nobody's business. fuck is wrong with me..

im off to catch csi. this is more and more like my usual life, besides all the shit i have to face in school last year..

2006-02-27T16:00:00.000-08:00

http://stolentobacco.livejournal.com/

but this will still be here,

maybe, the deepest regret?

2006-02-27T00:16:00.000-08:00

it's officially monday,
a new week, i hope very much schoolwork can help occupy my mind instead of you
i still haven't begun to realise that i'm taking o's this year
mom's always complaining about the state of my room
but how neat can it get, honestly?
good night, goodbye to you

the last song.

2006-02-25T21:42:00.000-08:00

can we sit high, smoking ciggarettes, and i faithfully treat you like a stranger.

it's possibly a miracle i'm home on a saturday.
my heart has been wrenched apart,
hardly anyone knows this but it's better off that way.

yesterday was fine.
i lost my senses in the afternoon
went to stadium during evening,
paradiz centre thereafter
went photohunting.
cynical mother brought me to chomp chomp
and reached home at one in the morning.

eventful yes,
and i pay back by staying home today.
bye, i have nothing else to say

i really just hope i don't see you on the streets with her one day.

2006-02-19T22:48:00.000-08:00

and will you tell all your friends, you've got your gun to my head.

another busy week ahead. and i saw the pug jelly guy at far east, my type of guy, piercings not neccessary. i could only be a coward in love.

no word, no sound.

2006-02-18T23:39:00.000-08:00

I need some motivation and something to get me through.

i've been contemplating about my life. school, home, school, home.the vicious cycle goes on. finally this weekend im liberated by common tests and readings. but i still have my coursework to complete. like, it's a total spoiler. thoughts keep running theough. i could pen it down, into a song or a poem. but im still quite lazy inside.

your name spins round in circles and yet i can't do anything about it.

new beginnings

2006-02-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

Hand me downs and photographs spread across the floor
A broken record spins in circles she can't listen anymore
Shes turned around a thousand times she set that bridge afire
But did you want to listen,
You took the world with you
So what is left
So what is left for me.

I called you on the phone again,
Just the other day
It sounds to me you've found your place and everything is great
But did you want to listen,
You took the world with you

So what is left
So what is left for me
But did you want to listen, you took the world with you
So what is left
So what is left for me

I tried so hard to figure out
Why no explanation keeps me waiting,
I tried because I know you wont forget
I know even if this story is over
It's over.

Did you want to listen, you took the world with you
So what is left
So what is left for me
Did you want to listen, you took the world with you
So what is left
So what is left for me
Whats left for me
But did you want to listen you took the world with you
So what is left
So what is left for me..

this song just struck me all of a sudden
try listening.

because these feelings are killing me.

2006-02-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

can i break down
and let out.
cause all these thoughts are killing me
like its always doing so.

always wanted to let you know
but inside me i am a coward.
reaction, rejection maybe even response?
what am i gonna get
this is getting too much.

i want to make a final cry
and hope you will hear it someday.

2006-02-11T23:17:00.000-08:00

you are amazing
i could have never liked a person for so long
except for someone like you.
i cant explain why, how
i find myself in a mess too.
sometimes i question my innerself,
but never could i find the answer.
many a time the temptation of me telling you how i feel has got to me.
many a time i fantasize us being together.
but the 'her' you would mention will never be me.
blame it on the low self-esteem
i think im just being realistic

and i would rather hide myself in this dark pithole,
drown myself with images of you

but someday i wont be able to hold my ego back anymore
i can't put up a strong front for much longer
so maybe one day i could take back these words of mine,
if i could find someone.

my mom found about my habit when my uncle came to visit.
i didn't want to lie about it anymore
i couldn't live with it anymore
maybe im better off this way.

haywire.

2006-02-08T04:40:00.000-08:00

lots of things going through me now
in a way im in a dilemma,
desperately in need of someone to help me clear em up.
adam asked me to go pubbing on saturday night
which would eat up fifty bucks from my bank account.
and i think if i do that i can say byebye to my vans slip on.
besides,
im not very sure of the company that night.
they are his friends from work.
somehow gut feeling tells me its some techno pub
patronised by the ah beng type.
not that i discriminate or condemn them,
but ah bengs and techno pubs are not my kind of thing.
i concluded that from the end of year 2004.

howww. somebody help me.
enlighten me
if only you could know how i feel.
damn.

-gasps

2006-02-05T12:38:00.000-08:00

so lets see where ive gotten to,
due homework:
three maths questions on loci
at least three pages of research on d&t stuff
english compre
biology test
chinese test.
and im still distracted by my computer,
half studyin.
someone give me a focus point

ANGSTY

2006-02-04T01:15:00.000-08:00

i just received a piece of news that is driving me up the wall.
i went to the niks at plaza sing,
then soon leng asked me 'did you receive your pay slip?'
"what? i thought they put into bank account automatically?"
"i passed your pay slip to jacqueline."
i went like WHAT THE FARK LAR.
so i called jac, and she just replied my text.
my fucking pay slip is over at the heeren branch.
how corrupted can wing tai get, seriously?
this is seriously fucked.
im never gonna work under vincent anymore.

have not found it.

2006-01-29T01:42:00.000-08:00

yesterday, today, a year later.

just yesterday i was at your place,
catching flicks and playing radio songs.
in a while it has all come down to this.
mushy messages found in your cell from your
ex-girlfriend.
betrayal stabbed me in the back,
my world just went blank.
how could you?

pick up your steps.
come and save me,
before i fall,
and fail to revive.

what have you done?
to be able to get me into such a state?
isnt it a disgrace?

and so today i woke up in a state of blur,
photographs strewn over the floor and my hands.
but i still remember,
all the misery you caused me.

please don't tell me things are fine.
cause even a year later i still feel the love and pain.
thank you my bittersweet love.

thank you.

inexplicably boring

2006-01-28T12:44:00.000-08:00

yesterday really sucked.
i was sick enough but mum forced me to school.
i was very drowsy in class,
couldnt even realise i had the wrong method done.
the rest of the day went on as it is.
and mr J and i watched two cats 'almost' humped each other,
ended up fruitless.
overall it was nice talking to guys younger than me.

those irritating songs have almost done enough
to get me nuts.
im just stuck at home with homework and no
one to go out with.
bye,

2006-01-24T21:22:00.000-08:00

so ive decided to update on my life
in case when i forget what happened to me before
at least something to fall back on.

school is getting from bad to worse.
redundant dialogue sessions to tiring tiring lessons.
even the teachers couldnt take the sleeping.
ive gotten a hold of myself
or at least for me to focus.

but my body cant seem to take it
im getting flu
runny nose every morning.
my body feels hot right now.
wanted to give school a miss on thurs.
if not for some angchanmaimai to have a prac test.
you will not see me on friday.

back to guitaring when i have the time
yet going nowhere far to be honest.
ohkay guitaring time now

drag.

2006-01-22T23:08:00.000-08:00

i desperately want to get my labret pierced since
a million years ago.
it's all because of school i tell you.

bye, school again.

IRRITATING.

2006-01-15T14:05:00.000-08:00

my face got bammed on friday night.
still hurting now.
fuck that goddamn bastard who steals.
homework time.

MOCKING,

2006-01-11T17:11:00.000-08:00

O level theme gotten,
i won't be very free anymore.
and,
i swear this year will pass very fast, again.
gonna sleep!
but first i will act like some lovesick fool.
(mocking)

i realised,
i tried to forget you but i still see your name.
maybe i should really get over and done.

monotonous

2006-01-08T18:14:00.000-08:00

the weather sucks.
trng got cancelled.
im totally not in the mood to study.

holllerrrr.
bye!

Gold is in

2006-01-03T23:03:00.000-08:00

first day sucked.
boring teachers but
happy to see familiar faces.
homework is due,
yet undone.
who fucking cares?!

review of holiday shopping;
NUM top, FOX top,
2 topshops racers,
brown u2 pants,
ipod nano,
loads of christmas presents;
elmo, rose bath foam, hoop.

its been a 'productive' one,
but school's reopen.
my mood is not yet right.

crap!

Empty castles,

2006-01-01T02:31:00.000-08:00

why, hi 2006.
so a new year is nothing.
2005 has been good and bad.
i havent drank in 2005,
good thing i guess.
homework, still waiting.
hope mr liang remembers my file.
nights!

cherrycokes under a moonlit summer sky.

all i want this year is you.

Come and go.

2005-12-30T00:25:00.000-08:00

It was a nice way to end my day.

The bus stop,
the standing,
i looked at what your mp3,
i think you saw mine.
We sat down,
almost fell asleep.
Alighted at the same stop yet again.
Tell me,
how could you be so perfect.
But of course you left my eyesight within a second.
I'd need a miracle to live that dream again.

Bloody random

2005-12-29T03:10:00.000-08:00

so i slept from nine to eleven,
and im probably staying awake for the next hour.
i was freaking tired,
ploughed right onto my bed.

so i've got a codename for my eye candy too,
HA-HA-HA.
oh, only jasmine lu knows what im talking bout.

but i pretty much still think bout another person.
hey,
i even dreamt bout you yesterday night.

anticipating school,
but saddended by the homework pile.
!#$$%^&*# homework!!!

bye,

2005-12-28T19:36:00.000-08:00

Ive been waking up early these days.
9am, 9am, 9am.
Anyways, got my ipod this morning.
Felt such a dork not knowing how to use iTunes.
But it's fine now, songs are in.

Approximately one week more to the new year,
and school reopens.
AHHHHHHHHH,
School is not my favourites definitely.
Oh well, just take things as it comes.

And my baby cousin having better appetitte,

BYE!

Spread the joy!

2005-12-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

Say hi to Elmo.

He cost thirty bucks and some madass bought it without hesitation for me.

How great.

Christmas eve was more eventful than Christmas day itself.

Well, best wishes to all anyways.

Off to do homework.

Yule shoot your eyes out.

2005-12-19T01:51:00.000-08:00

Out with my folks today.
Christmas-y song by Fallout Boy kept ringing.

Meet my new kicks,

And the ultra transparent guitar i saw.

Don't come home for christmas,
you're the last thing i wanna see,
underneath the tree.

WHATT?

2005-12-17T15:18:00.000-08:00

results on monday,
but please do not make a
big HOO-HAA out of it.
since some people are so heck care bout exams,
and when the results comes out one day before,
AHHHH, HOW AH? I SCARED FAIL LEH!!
please spare me those last minute gestures,
ill just give you my apathetic consoles then.

byebye,

someone save us, college kids.

2005-12-14T15:36:00.000-08:00

random stuff yet again.

the new hair tied up,

last but not least, my nails im so in love with.

2005-12-10T00:22:00.000-08:00

now, we're still so far apart.

oceans apart.

2005-12-10T00:14:00.000-08:00

people come and go in my life.
but once you came in,
you never went out.

i remember the 'Hi's' and 'Heys' you said to me online,
the way you overlooked everyone when walking,
your perfect smile when you're with your friends,
the determination you put in your game,
how you told me you'd give me guitar lessons,
how we treated each other's prescence so blatantly.

why,
i feel guilty now.
because,
i think im in love with you.